I guess that would depend on who you ask. When I first got started, I was just mesmerized with how intoxicatingly sexy and alluring it was, the power exchange that a woman got to have over a much more powerful man. It was raunchy and raw and not like my real-life experience. It was nasty and passionate, and you really got a rush from it. Or at least I did. I wanted all of that. I admit that I get very bored with regular sex and much of that has to do with general public disconnect. If I want to be a slut I’mma be the type to just sell it. I need drama in my sex life, more than doggy style, legs up and missionary since most of the time those positions don’t cater to a female orgasm. And I don’t know about you but I don’t fuck just to be nice to men. I think a lot of us feel that way but have a very difficult time communicating it.
I think that many people come in very confused as to how BDSM and kinky situations don’t much differ from vanilla situations and often lead to more let downs and more heart aches especially for women; and it doesn’t much matter if you choose to be dominant or submissive. Most men choose this lifestyle and see it as an all exclusive and inclusive sexual buffet and for the most part it is when you find equally curious people just trying to navigate the landscape that may or may not understand kink is not a gateway to sex all of the time.
I mean, that was me once upon a time ago and today I seek more depth in how I choose to experience kink and BDSM. I want to explore the depths further and create intimate play and space that may or may not involve sex with others. I want to change lives and to educate those that maybe don’t quite understand why anyone would want to be so potentially intimate with someone they aren’t even in a sexual relationship with. I enjoy the bonding. I enjoy the good times and afterwards completely releasing my persona knowing full well that it is safe, clean, and agreeable between all those involved. When you communicate this, there are no undesired let downs through failed expectations which seems to be so common.
There is something about putting on that outfit and knowing that you are going to pretty much be worshipped for it since sometimes that is his entire allure and what renders him helpless. He likes to see “her” dressed a certain way because it arouses in him certain feelings that even he himself cannot explain. Yet, for her, it is not until she puts on that leather, that vinyl or latex that she feels superior to him and able to control him and render him so helpless. The dynamic definitely floats both ways and certainly caters to the eroticism found by those who feel aroused by inanimate objects.
I certainly find that the clothes I choose to wear make me feel a certain way when I am in a scene and it certainly matters. For example, when I wear a very strict looking white collar professional fit, I find it much easier to dominate a man based on the fact that in the real world it could represent her professional authority over his; and I like that. I am aroused by just the thought of being his boss and making his bitch ass upset. I get a kick out of it but in real life would have to resist as one would find themselves in the midst of a thing known as sexual harassment.
Making him to be weaker than me or bashful is quite a bit of a turn on for a woman that is also into pegging. That’s me. Do I want to peg every man? No, but if I think it’s something you might like I would indeed like to introduce you to it… or use it as a source of fear. If in fact you don’t want that it could be very arousing to use that as an erotic method of control within a dynamic or scene. Again, fetishism isn’t always about sex but it likely most always has some sort of arousing aspects. I mean, why are you here? We all want a mind-gasm but that leads up to other things sometimes let’s be clear.
With a little bit of coaxing a man can be tempted to let you near his rear. He may not let you enter but if you just knock a few times he might let you in. As I said, I like a little bit of drama in my sex life so I can be playful and spontaneous with the right man. It is the fun and the spontaneity that I think gets people hooked or even inquisitive. Yes, a lot of porn displays what we do as or in the form of female abuse but that is not what is really is and which is why sometimes people probably look at us strange. I really don’t know. A lot of that’s extreme but on the understanding side you have to consider the people who identify with that pain that are labeled as masochist or pain whores for a little endearing term. To most that is degrading but degradation has it’s place in this world.
“…consider the people who identify with that pain that are labeled as masochist or ‘pain whores’ for a little endearing term. ” … but degradation has it’s place in this world.
No one likes to admit it but when they get bored with regular sex their mind definitely starts to wander. I’ve laid there getting lackluster head thinking of other things to make myself cum. One of the things that makes me smile about the longest relationship that I had with a guy that couldn’t eat pussy but definitely put that work in and tried was that he could please a woman’s body and he gave his all and always achieved success and I loved him for that for a very long time. Meh, he was also a relatively good man if that makes sense.
He definitely let me know that even when just casually dating a man could respect you, choose you and also leave you when he has found his one respectfully. I also found that a lot of guys are like that or has been the case in my life a few times. Each time we met in this world and we knew what it was and it is what it is… respectfully.
When communication goes right the fleeting moments can still be the most rewarding and the most intimate. Jealousy can’t be a thing so you have to accept that you are a part of their lives, a certain part and not the whole thing. As most people do hide this part of themselves from their most intimate of partners often afraid to reveal their true selves; which I find odd. Most of the time I like revealing myself but only when I can do so in strength, if you see me cry like for real I will likely run and hide my face like a little bitch but that’s another story for another time.
You see, I can be vulnerable here as can many without necessarily showing that I have a weak side. And this coming from a top but so many who play bottom or submsisive expalin it the same way. They need a palce to be vulnerable to let that out. You can only be a rock for so long before you implode and that’s way worse than submitting to someone for an hour or two a couple times a year or so at a time. Not everyone practices heavy but some of us get very strung out on this dope.
Dope being such an ironic word but ironically, I do in fact mean dopamine. The brain releases this feel good neurotransmitters when it is expecting a reward and the D/s dynmamic of BDSM is all about reward and punishment between a dominant and their submissive. This is in fact the main reason why the dynamic doesn’t always have to be “sexual” since the pleasure sensation is experienced beyond the genitals and into the mind of the person experiencing it. This is why it is very important to understad why the other person is even here participating.
Safe, Sane and Consensual
- The credo and foundation of BDSM is that play should be safe, sane and consensual among all of the players.
- Safe in that you feel free to be exposed and even to expose yourself. Vulnerability and trust play a huge role in here.
- Sane in that we are not here to take out our frustrations or to truly hurt anyone. This is not the place for those who truly want to use and abuse.
- Consensual in that fair exchange is no robbery and this means that you communicate a fair game and you make a mutually agreed upon and fair exchange. Don’t lie to get what you want as that’s not safe and can make someone sane go insane and fuck you up.
For some it will be all about sex because they can’t feel much pleasure beyond that and that usally has to do with the depth of their understanding and ability to use their imagination which is lacking in many people who don’t know how to use their mind. When playing with these types they lack the patience it would even take to commit to some of the scenes that involve a buildup. To me playing with them is boring and like catering to them as a personal kink dispenser which for a fee I can be if we can agree on terms and conditions.
I am not here to be used for the fact that I do practice kink but the fact that I do participate means that we could have an interesting friendship. I think so many of us do feel this way. We want to come in contact with those who will understand and accept us within the realm of our mutual connection. This life has been around for so long but kept a secret as now it’s all coming out and more people are wanting to know more. I think this is great but getting a good understanding of why you are here will prevent you from being so disappointed when you get here or on the other spectrum, ashamed. I remember I used to fear writing so in depth about this because I would have to really just be honest and honestly, I hide a lot. That’s another subject.
But again, we all do. If others found out what we truly liked they might judge us and look at us completely differently and that could hurt. These differences of perspective have ruined lives when you find out the man you love likes to wear your clothes or that she likes to be gang-banged and does so behind your back on some weekends. I mean, you just never know but sometimes you don’t even come to terms with what you want until your current life has already unfolded. Or, you were already deep in d realized you had to accept that and it was just sink or swim.
But whatever your reason, as to why are you here, I want you to know that I am here to share and discuss the things that you might not learn just porn surfing as is the case for most people. I’ll touch on so many aspects but not forgetting to create community and acceptance and even a place to anonymously vent. I can’t wait to be able to actively launch Ask A Mistress where you can write in and ask a question and I of course will answer it or post in the community about it.
So What’s Next:
- Slowly exposing my thoughts because I like to be vulnerable in this way and naked.
- Creating a community where others can relate and read anonymously and deal with the ebbs and flows of this lifestyle choice and decision.
- Show them why I have always been here and don’t plan on gong anywhere.
- Talk my shit because this ain’t (insert social media platform here) and my shit can’t be deleted. (I just needed the confidence to share it)
-Ms. Phoenix Rising