So, what does good old dopamine have to do with BDSM? For starters, it’s released when we do things we enjoy like have sex. I mean, if you want to understand obesity and why some people are just fat, you would then have to understand how dopamine is connected to your brain’s reward system, and how you would likely chase whatever it was you needed to get your next fix or release of dopamine to satisfy yourself.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that carries information between neurons. Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers that carry chemical signals (“messages”) from one neuron (nerve cell) to the next target cell. If that’s too much to understand, I honestly get it, but you want to learn why you are “here”. This pretty much sums it up and explains why so many people come here thinking kink and BDSM are all about sex.
This necessary neurochemical boosts mood, motivation, attention, and helps regulate movement, learning, and emotional responses. This explains why you get hooked. The body understands if it does these particular things, it will get the release of dopamine that it wants so it chases that thing until it is satisfied which now makes me think about how in this lifestyle discipline is very important (imma write that down).
This necessary neurochemical boosts mood, motivation, attention, and helps regulate movement, learning, and emotional responses. This explains why you get hooked.
Since dopamine is known to influence behavior, you have to ask yourself if you really like this lifestyle and its proclivities or do you just like the chase of what you think you can get in the forms of sexual rewards and favors. Just talking about a tantalizing moment that never needs to happen is enough to arouse this pleasure transmitter for some. This is more than likely why you get so many who talk a good game but never actually leave from behind the screen. They get their fix just talking about it but trust me, as a phone sex provider I understand that wholeheartedly and it is why I do not openly discuss kink. My phone line has helped many men come to terms with their dirty little dopamine releasing secrets and I collect a nice little fee.
This dopamine release definitely explains addiction to porn. The more you watch it the more you get that release, and the gratification gets harder and harder to appease as you need more and more of whatever it is to arouse you to release enough dopamine. This would also explain the rise of erectile dysfunction in perfectly healthy and normal functioning young men. If what you are “actually” experiencing can’t compete with what you see online your body won’t react in a way which is normal because it can’t release enough dopamine. Basically, you get less and less excited and become a pleasure to no one.
This is why when it comes to the way I practice BDSM in real life as opposed to selling a dream when I am working and negotiating what it is that you would ultimately like, I ask if the slave is truly able or interested in practicing discipline. This form of play and build up may not be their thing but to other’s it’s the icing on the cake and the thing that makes submitting so pleasing.
Discipline and discipline training are not easy. They require a lot of commitment from both parties. As one just doesn’t go about being disciplined by being ignored. The slave is taunted and tempted until no matter what he experiences he is able to take it. He in fact does experience higher and higher levels of dopamine release that he is able to control by denying himself the pleasure and keeping it in check so that he isn’t over stimulated until the point he experiences issues with day-to-day arousals with his partner because he can’t control himself. When you get bored with what you’ve been doing you find something else to do to help better stimulate yourself. This would certainly rationalize cheating even though I am not condoning it. It is only natural to want to please thyself.
It is only natural to want to please thyself.
Dopamine makes you want to explore. It drives your curiosity and what better place to do it and to claim self discovery than in a world where so few will actually go deeper than the surface? I told you that we all are here hiding something which is why most people do this only in the bedroom and privately. I am not judging you for that but if you’re honest about what you’re really seeking you can find your clan and become apart of your pack.
That is what I want even for myself. If I am to be honest I want to dangle what I have over my slave’s heads. I want to hang the thought of this immense amount of please over their heads until they come begging me to just completely own them.
And then of course you give them what they need and it induces this insane head and/or body high that nothing else can create and they need to experience this ever so often like a dope fiend needs his/her fix. Oh, if only we could just be honest about that simple little aspect. Or, in case we don’t understand it, take the time you need to just learn. I absolutely positively need this type of release. I need to be able to control parts of a man even though he’s clear he cannot have those same parts of me.
This is what fuels my passions and my desires and why I wanted a safe space of my own to always come and get my release and then leave it for others to also get off on. I know they do. I know they are their feigning for it and chasing their high again too. I need it in my life and as I said I want to go deeper into my need to get even the highest of highs. And if you know about the highs you understand the lows and why choosing someone that actually gets it is important for your come down (aka sub-drop) because they won’t leave you to fall to pieces and have to comfort yourself and figure it all out.
That’s the one thing I did always hate about my little rendezvous’, if I was really feeling it, I was there to experience the let down all alone. Luckily I was okay with that because I do like to experience my lows and times I need to be in my thoughts alone with myself. I need this more often than not though as I am moody and often self-ruminating about life and shit. That honestly provides me with a lot of pleasure, much more than I often experience with other people.
Healthy Ways To Boost Dopamine & Practice Discipline
- Eat healthier. I am not a dietician but find ways to cut out foods that you know make you feel heavy, sleepy and sluggish.
- Up magnesium intake with foods such as seeds, nuts, soy, beans, and whole grains as it may help to combat depression.
- Avoid processed foods, high-fats, sugar, caffeine. Again, diet just plays a big part.
- Proper sleep hygiene because it fuels dopamine production. This means get a night-time ritual and wash your sheets, pillowcases and pillows as often as possible even if you’re like me and refuse to make up the bed.
- Exercise daily. I can’t tell you how good it feels to do this and it helps with clearing up your skin.
- Avoid stress and find ways to relieve it that don’t include you seeking out sexual gratification!
Finding healthy ways to combat loneliess and depression are great ways to keep yourself out of unhealthy attachments within kink and BDSM situations. A lot of people find themselves here seeking that “deeper” connection only to find themselves being passed down a “hook-up” culture line. Hooking up is not new to kink and BDSM which is why you have to protect yourself because someone is always looking for their idea of a good time which may not line up with yours.
Thier intentions may be great but it’s best if you approach these situations with a clear mind and not romanticize them. Be clear when you’re just a casual acquaintance with someone or their partner that they have chosen and made that clear. When someone is constantly triggering your pleasure response you are very likely to lose sense of reality and fall in love. This works almost absolutely none of the time because a relationship based on kink or BDSM that is mostly in the bedroom or online can only last so long and BOTH people have to be honest. This won’t always be the case and again not because they mean to hurt you but sometimes, they are just not even honest with themselves.
The Pleasure Seeking Loop
Remember that dopamine is released even at the thought of a reward hence Pavlov and his “stupid” salivating dog. Many of us absolutely know we won’t get what we want when we come into this world but again, the chase of it is sometimes more than enough. You come, you seek, you get that reward and/or release then you retreat and repeat. This is just fine if you can admit it and understand that you need to be honest with yourself and not lie to others in order to get it. And on the flip side, don’t accept other’s lies just to receive it. Don’t let them lead you on. Don’t let them promise you that which they cannot deliver upon.
- To get out of the loop, know when you’re in one and take a step back and find a new way to stimulate your mind.
- Your dopamine center doesn’t have a satiety tool built in so it will continue to seek more and more pleasure until you are a slave to it.
- Some of us understand this so find a safe space/person to play with who won’t take advantage of you when you’re not in a safe/sane/consensual head space.
- Because words have meanings… always negotiate sober and before you are in subspace or trying to reach it.
For years I have found myself trying to start this task, and as much as I have wanted to I never had such urge as when I tried to consider if should truly quit. I mean, life does move forward and you have to decide if you’re going to let your vanilla or your kink shine? I imagine this is how many in the LGBTQ community felt until they got more rights and more inclusivity. I will never know but of course if you can relate share your thoughts in the comments for me.
But that is that. I do hope you enjoyed this blog and that it was very informational. As I said, I love to share, and I am a pleasure seeker so I get such a good release when I find information I can translate into a useful little tidbit. When you read, you definitely participate in one of my little filthy kinks LOL! But don’t worry, it’s just a reward knowing you read it and that you support my work.
-Ms. Phoenix Rising