Gender Wars: An Assault On The Nuclear Family

“We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men and women are created equal.” In a list of resolutions, Stanton cataloged economic and educational inequities, restrictive laws on marriage and property rights, and social and cultural norms that prevented women from enjoying “all the rights and privileges which belong to them as citizens of the United States.”

~Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Now, before I begin, I want to start with saying MY focus in this gender war is always going to be on my demographics of Black men and women though data about all men and women will sometimes be used for historical purpose and scope. With that being said I will begin with this small historical fact of WHY women even needed a movement to begin with. I use this period in time specifically because Feminism is what the so called “low value” black men blame on the plight of the black nuclear family or why there are so many single black moms. But I stress “low value” because a high value man would look at things critically and begin to have proper discourse about how to change this among his men, not women. Black men love to tell a woman whence is her place but if you tell him his he gets very irate.  They don’t even have the wherewithal to realize it’s not just about single mothers but about the nuclear family and the children who are hurt in a petty squabble among genders.

While the first wave of American Feminism was recognized around the late 1800’s when during the Women’s Rights Movement (1848- 1917) women had to fight to have a right to vote about things that affected them since a time untold. Dating back to 3100 BCE Egyptian women had most of the same rights regarding property and money. It was after then that the rights of women dwindled down to nothing. A lot of men cry foul about single mothers and men’s rights in regard to children, but children used to be considered men’s property until some court or law maker had a heart and realized they were not for profit. Doesn’t this sound very familiar? How a lot of men complain women use children as meal tickets? Well historically so did they until children were no longer considered property and gained the rights of small human beings and could no longer be used solely for profit and traded. 

What bothers me the most is that black men and women have wandered over and into this war as if we are not equals and of the same social stature when looked at under the societal scope. No part of the world is looking at the black man or black woman as superior or inferior to the other because we come from each other. I can’t speak for others but to have this war between us seems mentally lazy and weird.  When black men argue that black women are mostly single mothers it boils my blood because we are, but they fail to realize they are the fathers. The cognitive dissonance is so real but when you think of how many of them were raised fatherless by statistics you can understand why they hate the black single mother so vehemently. It reflects back onto them how their own fathers were not there and had previously abandoned them and their single mothers.

Astonishingly enough black men seem to really think that single black women exist in a bubble without them, yet statistics are clear to state black women almost always chooses black men. In 2019 only 4% of American’s claimed multiracial non-Hispanic ethnicity so for those that can do math, only 4% of black children are mixed and of that 4% I did not bother to look at what percent had a black mom or dad. The facts are that black women date out at a far lower percent than black men so it’s unlikely they would have many children fathered by other than black men. This proof is in the data where black men on average get married to non-black women at a rate of almost double than black women. Black men you are undoubtedly the reason why black women are single mothers out here because they are having your children. 

Black men you are undoubtedly the reason why black women are single mothers out here because they are having your children. 
-Between Me & You

Along with mocking single mothers, gender wars have spilled over into the education and financial arena, but no one is paying attention to how this affects our children. To break it down, our children attend poorly funded schools because they come for poorly funded areas where mothers and fathers don’t own homes and pay fewer taxes because they aren’t married with dual family incomes. This may seem like a small thing but dual incomes is sometimes what makes home ownership even a possibility for a family. Top that disparity with women having the burden of raising the child and providing for them emotionally, physically and financially it only makes sense that an education would be a priority for single women whether they have kids or not at this point because they are affectively the breadwinners. They don’t have much of a choice. We are not protected financially especially when you realize most men would rather live with their mothers but shack up with single women who already have their own shit out here. Because my thing is where are y’all getting together to have sex?

Adults aged 18 to 34 are really out here still living with their parents and it all makes sense since a lot of them shun accountability and responsibility but will fight you if you tell them. Mind you, living with your parents in order to save or go to college is wise. The thing is though that the study found that men not women, were more likely to still be living at home. I am wondering why then any man with any self-respect would be upset at a modern woman for pursuing her education as opposed to pursuing him when she is more likely to be the one to house both him and the kids? How are you mad about any woman wanting the capability to take care of herself in a man’s obvious absence? Based on the numbers men are simply not there. Your kids are but you are not does that seem fair? 

This makes me sad especially for us when we see that only 26% of black men are even educated at all leaving over 70% uneducated or under educated and likely unable to be a responsible co-parent, single father or sole provider for a multi person family. Black men are single fathers at only 18% which is the stat most poor researchers blurt out when they can’t read numbers or statistics. Black men are definitely out here doing their thing for the ones who show up if you count how poorly other ethnicities are doing… that doesn’t speak well for the male gender as a whole though. By single father in this case, we speak of the black men who actually stepped up to be a dad and raise their own kids in the mother’s absence or are actually still present in a home where the two are unmarried. This is why you see black women at the higher single mother rate. Black men actually dip leaving their children behind with the mothers they didn’t choose to marry but chose to sleep with. 

Now, I definitely understand men being less responsible since it isn’t their womb, but it is your seed, and your legacy and your son’s will remember you for impregnating their mother and then abandoning them too. They will have heat for their mothers especially since misogyny is evident in the way that most black men tend to speak. They will gladly tell the mother of their child she was good enough to cum inside but not good enough to wife up so I left both her and you because I couldn’t tarnish my manhood by staying with a slut. The black man needs to remember his son won’t respect him when he grows up. He will see his mom lay with many more men and come to understand why society doesn’t value his life and sees him as nothing, his father didn’t. He can be no more to society than his own father instills into him. Can’t instill much if you’re absent. 

When the black man finally understands this, he alone will lower the incarceration rate of his seed. It is him alone who can save him, raise him and teach him to lead yet he consistently and statistically chooses to leave. I don’t know how to feel about that because as a black woman that doesn’t have children it’s not my fight, but it is my plight as a member of the community. We are all seen the same. I want value for our black boys, but I can’t give it until his father does. A mother cannot raise a man to be a man, but neither can a male that didn’t stick around for his responsibility and keep his own child out of poverty do you understand? 

You can blame the black woman all you want but if your defense is that it is her womb, I will match you there and say well son guard your seed. You literally hold the key. You can choose not to unlock it, but lack equally as much concern, discretion and empathy for your seed. Men can’t lead their seed nor raise their sons but want to lead women and tell us how to honor our wombs.  They leave them in the hands of their mothers then complain when there are fewer and fewer masculine men around. You abandon your sons just like you abandon your daughters and complain when they seek out daddy’s love from various men and partners as is proclaimed by men who say fatherless girls have daddy issues. As a man look at the daughter you likely abandoned and remember that part. Tell her how she will grow up and have daddy issues because you are going to abandon her. If you feel this isn’t so explain why your sons always say this to fatherless daughters when they are fatherless too?


When this war is over who is going to win? I don’t care who wins in the other groups because statistically they stand by each other when it matters and go against whoever stands against them. But in this life, we tend to have black women who more often than not stand up and protect black men like African American activist Mary Church Terrell who spoke for y’all when she was being told to shut up. Not the other way around. When you want to know the truth about why black women abandoned the feminist movement it was to protect the rights of black men because black women hadn’t yet gotten any and needed to heavily rely upon the fortunes of their black husbands. Had black women maintained the course it is highly likely we would have more privileges and freedoms and not be looked upon as second-class citizens who breed fatherless black children who are considered the lowest value women. It is what it is. Black men these are your mothers, daughters and sisters.

Black men want black women to follow their lead but according to pew research only 6% of them can head a household independently of a woman. 

I am almost sure the lowest valued common denominator will have something to say but at the end of the day men still have most of the control in establishing the nuclear family. As a man this is your place. A woman does not choose the head but if a woman is not chosen, she still must still live life and be responsible for herself.  
Black men expect women to submit to their leadership, buy within the community they are not leading. What are we following? If we let you lead and you fail, what then would you like us to do about it or would you then blame us for that as you have in past. Remember black men practically begged for independent women so they as men wouldn’t have to pay the bills. So, if we did not go independent how would we as black women fare?

Well, if we go by current events black women would basically be even more government dependent and mostly homeless because black men don’t head many homes (only 6% in total) and when they do it is with a woman who offers more than half of her income as a wife. “Us” going half means you aren’t leading, and you need a partner by your side. Unless you can carry all of the financial weight you aren’t leading anything and that’s just how the cookie crumbles when you get an independent woman. The opposite of independent is dependent and you are responsible for that. You have a partner. Words have meaning as does activities. A man I share responsibility with cannot lead me as I am due my share of decision making based on the financial weight I carry. I am not his dependent.

This leads me to say that black men are not necessarily winning because they are choosing to stay single, but neither are single parent black women. The debate is still out on single child free black men and women because honestly, when you don’t have to parent you really don’t need all that extra baggage unless you have a great partner and someone to legally wake up with. This leads me to say that maybe men and women should consider whom they lay down with and come with cemented boundaries and lay claim to a high value future in spite of a low value past. Now, black men this means you too because unless you are under 29 chances are you already have a kid with a single black mother because that is who you are in proximity with. If she’s a single mom, it’s likely there is a single black father running around. Don’t be so naive. 

Young black men have a far better chance of finding a single black woman with no kids if they don’t repeat what their own fathers have done. Black women, this goes for you too. Stop saying yes to Pookie and yes to Bryant from down the way with the reading glasses that studies science and math and talks about praying. I mention those things because of the solid facts that suggest that the more educated and faith based the man the higher your chances are that he will stick around and father your kids. This means walk away from the self-governed black man or woman that has shunned all higher beliefs and the fact that there must be a structure and that men must lead and that includes financially. If he can’t provide for you and the seeds don’t give in to him because he is a Pookie. Do not cut them any slack. If they will tell you it’s your womb your responsibility reason with an iron fist and expect nothing but the best especially if you have no children. 

Real Reasons To Rule That Womb With An Iron Fist

  • Because if you get pregnant, he will blame you because it is your womb, and he doesn’t have any control over it. (Makes sense)
  • You don’t want to become a single mother because you are shunned by even the lowest value of black men which makes no sense. 
  • Because it will make men upset, and they will realize that you have standards, and they have to meet them in order to have you. They will have to work harder.
  • Because becoming a wife might mean nothing to you but it means the world to your child so rule with an iron fist and protect your high value future at all costs.

Now I know it may seem that I have taken the woman’s side, and, in a way, I have because for the life of me I can’t figure out why so many men leave their pregnant lover and child. I really don’t understand. If you don’t want the woman don’t get her pregnant that makes more sense. I can’t feel pity for a grown man who claims to be a leader but cannot lead his own semen so as to not enter into a womb he can’t see himself staying with. 

As a woman myself I understand also the responsibility of making sure I don’t like down with Pookie and let him get so comfortable as to find a home inside of my high value womb. I know not to patronize men who already have kids they don’t see or take care of. I would be next, for those men have no discipline and don’t care who they get pregnant. As a woman we ought to choose a man who shows discipline both mentally and physically and who doesn’t hate all women because of his own father or mother’s past.

Next Steps in the Gender War on the Black Family:

Since the womb is ours, it is us that needs to be more judgmental and discerning with who we lay with according to the men that lay with us. Statistically this would force many of us to be lesbians but if this is what men want in a gender war then this is what it is. Unfortunately, women have a biological need as does the survival of mankind to procreate with these same Pokies’ who blame us for their fatherless bloodlines. It’s daunting to me but here are a few things you can do to make sure you are not devalued by a Pookie. 

  • Don’t date them. These are the same men who cry about the cost of dates but will run up in you raw then blame you that you got pregnant. 
  • Get on birth control. I know that’s a lot of extra burden for us but if you want to live your life as you please and be open to high value men who will marry you and THEN start a family this is where it begins. Don’t let Pookie in.
  • Get your education in spite of what the mostly under educated black man says. I can’t speak for white women as they are already understanding this. You cannot depend on the man who will try to humble you about your education as he doesn’t have one. Amazing!
  • Understand you can have an amazing life if you stay away from men that don’t value you and want to have sex with you and give you kids before a marriage.  

Now oddly enough marriage doesn’t cure all because once you divorce you are now just a divorced single mother or father. The jokes stop here. 

The purpose of these types of posts is to have a little witty discourse but to really get down to the nitty gritty and how both black men and women need to grow up and realize who they are hurting. It’s us. Neither of you can divest too much because society thinks just as low of you as they do the other. 

-Between Me & You

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November 16, 2022/

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A very long response to the low value, low vibrational black men who devalue black women because of what their mothers did or didn’t do to them. This is for you. This is also for the modern black woman who is tired of that shit because what did we do aside from stick by you?

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